How to Stop Comparing and Competing With Your Teammates
Photo: Quino Al/Unsplash
Telling a person to stop comparing themselves to and competing with the people around them is like telling an Italian to stop eating pasta or a German to stop drinking beer. It’s unlikely in the best of circumstances.
I could act like there is a secret formula or three easy steps that could make the feelings of comparison and competition disappear from your life. But you would smell that hogwash from the opening line.
Here’s some straight talk. Comparison is hard. The temptation to compare yourself to your teammates is staring you in the face from every direction. And competition; even if you don’t want to be the absolute best, you still want to be good at something. Both of these desires run central through human nature. So, me giving you some Band-Aid solution isn’t going to cut it. Such an attempt would be rightfully laughable.
But here’s the other side of straight talk. Comparison will kill you. You will never be able to cheer for those you are continually comparing yourself to. And competition is a fool’s game. We’ve created a society that is obsessed with victory, but victory is an endless road. It is possible to gain the entire world, the applause, the accolades, and still not be satisfied.
When I graduated from college, I did a one-year internship with five other people. I can remember when one of my teammates got asked to help out with a conference our organization was putting on. It was a private, pretty special ask, and before I knew it, feelings of comparison and competition started gnawing away at me. “How come he got asked, and I didn’t?” “Don’t people see the value I have to offer?” “Don’t I deserve more than he does?”
You can be the greatest leader in the world, the most skilled in your field, the smartest or strongest person at your company. Yet, your current ability and future potential may be mitigated and potentially devastated if you do not address these two tensions: comparison and competition.
While there is no easy answer, there are rather simple truths that can help you start shifting the narrative towards addressing these tensions. If you want to learn how to be a great teammate, how to stop comparing and competing with those you work with, you better have the right tools. Here are two that, over time, can help counter the divisive trends of comparison and competition.
Contentment
“I got through the ‘feeling sorry for myself’ phase, and now I have a healthier perspective,” she says. “Everyone’s life is different and no one’s is perfect. I’m grateful for what I have.” — Rebecca Webber, Psychology Today
If you wrestle with the idea of comparison, you are not alone. As Rebecca Webber says in her article, “Measuring the self against others is a modus operandi of the human mind.”
When people talk about countering comparison, they tend to attempt to stop comparing in totality. While idealistic, this is an unreal expectation. Instead of eradicating comparison, you must take small steps to establish another viable option, a substitute to the addictive powers of judging yourself based on the merit of others.
One such option is contentment.
Contentment rivals comparison in just about every way. Contentment tells you that what you have is enough. Comparison is always looking for more. Contentment is rooted in trust, while comparison is often rooted in fear. Contentment brings joy, while comparison often steals joy as Theodore Roosevelt once said.
It isn’t easy to be a great teammate while you are always comparing yourself to those you are meant to be serving and connecting with.
A constant practice of contenement will foster an environment of gratitude, peace, and trust, each of which is a crucial component for developing great teamwork.
You can increase your contentment by creating gratitude lists, by reflecting and journaling, by remembering past difficulties or struggles and the ensuing victories, and by limiting your time spent browsing social platforms that may typically highlight an unrealistic view of reality.
Celebration
“It’s said that when chased by a bear, you don’t need to outrun the bear; you just need to outrun your friend.” — Matthew Hutson, The Atlantic
If you wrestle with the idea of competition, once again, you are not alone. Matthew Hutson concluded his article by wisely point out, “We decry the goal of keeping up with the Joneses, even as we struggle ferociously to keep one step ahead of them.”
We compete with our fellow teammates for many reasons, some psychological and some tangible, but all of which are rooted in an obsessive culture of victory at all costs. It is not enough if everyone is a victor. Competition drives us forward until there is an upper and lower class, a first and second place.
There are few things more hurtful to effective teamwork than unhealthy competition. If you find yourself in a spiral of unhealthy competition, developing a habit of celebration may help you shift your story and become a better teammate.
It’s very hard to compete against that which you authentically celebrate.
Celebration recognizes the value of those around you. Unhealthy competition sees people as objects to surpass. Celebration projects humility and confidence, while competition can project insecurity and self-centeredness.
You can increase your celebration of your teammates by writing short, spontaneous notes, saying one nice thing about someone each day, and giving credit where credit is due.
It’s A Process
No one can flip a switch and suddenly stop comparing to and competing with the people around them. Shifting your mindset from comparison to contentment and competition to celebration is a process that requires slow, steady focus. The steps are simple, but the process is arduous.
Just because the shift is difficult doesn’t make it any less worth the effort.
If you fail to address these areas, your potential is in peril of being overshadowed by your inability to build healthy relationships with the people around you. If you want to be a great teammate, you won’t get there by comparing and competing with your co-workers.