An Ancient Chinese Philosophy That Can Help You to Find Contentment
Photo by zhang kaiyv on Unsplash
“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.” — Lao Tzu
One of my favorite lines from the hit musical Hamilton comes when Alexandar meets Angelica Schuyler for the first time and he says,
“You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied.”
Angelica responds back saying, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You forget yourself.”
To which Alexander says, “You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.”
Right there, in those three sentences, I believe Lin-Manuel Miranda captures the very essence of so many of our internal struggles and anxieties. You may have never used these exact words, but almost every single one of us has at some point or another asked ourselves, “do I feel satisfied?”
This feeling of worry about the future and the unknown is plaguing our generation. According to numerous studies, we are the anxious generation.
In a world that constantly promotes the need for improvement, the need for more, many of us wouldn’t know what contentment looked like if it were right in front of us.
That hasn't been the case though historically. People used to live in simpler times and, as a result, they knew what it meant to be content. It is possible to be satisfied in today’s world, but in order to do so, we need to look back on what has worked in the past and start working on implementing these practices in our daily rhythms.
Our culture moves at a break-neck speed, with news and information changing on the minute. If we have any hope of learning how to be content and satisfied amidst the tidal wave of consumption and indulgence, we need to intentionally insert tried and true habits into our every day lives.
We need to learn to treasure the right things, and in this case, that means three specific characteristics.
Gentleness
We live in a culture where the loudest voice is often the most impactful. At times, it doesn’t even matter what exactly you are saying, as long as you can be heard, you have influence. Because of this, we tend to view quietness as a sign of meekness, which we often associate with weakness.
However, here’s what history has known for centuries — gentleness is not the same as weakness.
St. Francis de Sales once said,
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”
Gentleness is not the same as passivity. It’s not the same as being afraid or neglecting to embrace the intensity of a situation. In fact, gentleness is actually the intentional channeling of great emotion into wise and intelligent expressions.
It is like a sharp ax. It is poignant and specific, honed and well-crafted. It breaks through the cacophony and moves you along into a peace-filled sanctuary.
Gentleness will dismantle tensions, it will open doors you didn’t know existed, and it will imbue you with an inner strength that allows you to face uncertainty with a calm and peaceful demeanor.
The practice of gentleness is helpful for conserving energy. It helps take stock of the world around you and points to the idea that not everything is worth caring about with equal vigor. Gentleness allows you to direct your best efforts towards that which matters most, which creates avenues for you to cherish what makes you content and discard what distracts you from that sense of peace.
Frugality
In the western world, we tend to magnify the importance of materialism and the accumulation of certain goods. We are told that in order to fit in, we must spend excessive amounts of money to have the nicest and newest things — the car, the clothes, the house, etc.
This practice has become so prevalent that the typical American household now carries an average debt of $137,063.
But here’s the not-so-secret truth that we know deep down but rarely act on: possessions don’t lead to true satisfaction. It is very possible and actually fairly common to have a lot of stuff and still not be content.
Confucius was once quoted saying,
“he who will not economize will have to agonize.”
Frugality isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an example of wisdom. Living within your means doesn’t always imply that you aren’t well-off or aren’t able to be luxurious. In fact, the opposite is often true.
Being frugal allows you to live a content life because you limit the outward influence of materialistic desires. You reduce opportunities for comparison and feelings of false fulfillment.
If you are willing to practice frugality, you will quickly come to find that your ideals of contentment and satisfaction are no longer rooted in the shallow and vapid. You will learn how to take only what you need, how to be resourceful about the items you use and potentially even re-use, and how to appreciate what is right in front of you rather than what is beyond your horizon.
Frugality is a hidden diamond amongst a field of cubic zirconia. You cannot be satisfied if you are always longing for something you do not have. If you learn the discipline of frugality, you can break the addictive hold of novelty in your life and truly embrace the concept of contentment.
If you are able, treasure the opportunity to practice frugality. Take stock of your resources, your time, your finances, and aim to leverage them wisely and practically.
Humility
There are few things more attractive than a quite confidence undergirded by an authentic sense of humility.
Humility is the mastery of your self and all of your ambitions and feelings. It is the willingness to rein in that ever-elusive desire to promote and celebrate you — your words, your thoughts, your work, and impact, and accomplishments.
Pride is placing a greater value on your resource than on that of another. Humility counters pride by inverting the source of focus and lifting up another in pursuit of their good.
It is impossible to be content and completely self-focused. There is no perfect man or woman, only endless potential for error and correction. You cannot look in a mirror consistently and walk away feeling anything but concern. There is always something to compare, some aspect of your life that, if fixated on, could be better, more successful.
Therefore, humility is a necessity for contentment. Only when you are focused on something or someone different than yourself are you able to truly be satisfied.
Writer and theologian C.S. Lewis penned perhaps my favorite line on humility when he said:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
Choosing humility is not for the faint of heart. When first beginning this practice, it requires a vigilant and near-obsessive focus as you actively fight to think about others and not yourself.
Over time, the idea of humility becomes more natural, but due to the deceitfulness of our innate human desires, humility will never fully sit on the throne of our hearts. In fact, the moment you begin to believe that you have mastered humility is the very moment that it has been pushed off it’s seat by pride.
Satisfaction and contentment are not easily won characteristics. This is why so few people truly experience their richness and fullness. However, with humility spearheading the expedition towards growth, the reward of being truly content is possible to any who’d dare make that trek.
The Art of Treasuring
If you want to know contentment, you must treasure these three characteristics. But what does it mean to treasure something?
Like any young child pretending to be a pirate, if you truly want to find a treasure, you must seek it out. Follow the patterns of people around you who practice contentment. When you have an experience of gentleness, frugality, or humility, cherish it. Remember it. Revisit it often and be inspired to continue hunting for these bits of treasure.
Being content is not a stop on the side of the road. It is the culmination of a hundred little things that add up to a lifestyle of peace and satisfaction.